


A Portrait by You

by necromancy_enthusiast



Series: Igdue Series [2]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Background Relationships, Culture Shock, Established Relationship, M/M, Making Up, Mental Health Issues, Miscommunication, Post-Blue Lions Route (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Self-Esteem Issues, Winter, as per usual with these two, sorry Dimitri/Raphael is background I love them but that's how it worked out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:55:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26238961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/necromancy_enthusiast/pseuds/necromancy_enthusiast
Summary: After the war, Ignatz has come to Castle Blaiddyd under the patronage of the king. With that, his friend Raphael and his family present, and his relationship with Dedue, he should be happy, right? But unfortunately, love doesn't make your problems go away, and Ignatz is still grappling with the same issues that have haunted him for so long. This is only exacerbated by the culture shock due to the differences between Faerghus and Leicester, and how he feels that he and Dedue are growing apart due to their busy schedules.
Relationships: Dedue Molinaro/Ignatz Victor, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Raphael Kirsten
Series: Igdue Series [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1904533
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8
Collections: 2020 Ultra Rarepair Big Bang





	A Portrait by You

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to 'A Portrait by You', the first entry in the series, but you don't need to read it to understand this story. And thank you so much to Angeli Rafer for creating such beautiful art to accompany my fic.

Ignatz sighed as he put his paintbrush down on his easel. He rested his elbows on his knees and then his chin on his hands as he stared at the canvas forlornly. Despite his best efforts, he’d been in a slump for the past week, and he worried over how long it would last. When Dimitri offered his patronage to Ignatz after the war ended, Ignatz had been so excited. Not only could he fulfill his dream of doing what he loved as his life’s work, but he could be close to Dedue, who he’d begun a romantic relationship with some months beforehand. Moreover, Raphael, his childhood friend, along with his sister Maya and their grandfather were coming to live in Fhirdiad Castle as well since Raphael had been knighted by Dimitri, and since then, the two had formed a relationship with romantic elements of their own.

From the beginning, Ignatz had known it would be difficult. His relationship with Dedue, readjusting to civilian life, living in a place so different from his homeland. He’d made an effort to not kid himself in that regard. And yet here he was in a deep melancholy. There were all the previously mentioned concerns of course, but as of late, the thing bothering him the most was his relationship with Dedue.

They were getting along fine, there hadn’t been any arguments or falling outs, which Ignatz was gratefully for. But Dedue, being the king’s foremost knight, was a very busy man, especially now that they were only in the early stages of rebuilding Fodlan after five long years of war. Sometimes days would go by when Ignatz didn’t so much as see him, or it was only a brief moment here and there. Ignatz desperately didn’t want to be high-maintenance or clingy, and he would never ask Dedue to put him before himself and his duties to others, but... 

He often longed for Dedue’s company. Despite being just as busy during the war, they could often carve out time together while they were at the monastery, and Ignatz cherished those moments deeply, but he supposed now that their roles were so different, it didn’t allow for as much opportunity for their paths to cross naturally.

“Ignatz?”

Ignatz turned to see Dimitri standing in the doorway leading out into the hall. Ignatz sometimes left it open to advertise that he didn’t need to be left alone to work.

“Your Majesty!” he said. “Come in, please.”

Dimitri did so, standing beside Ignatz and looking at his painting.

“It’s coming along beautifully,” Dimitri marked.

“Oh, thank you,” Ignatz replied. Dimitri sat down on a chair not too far from Ignatz’s.

“Something seems to be bothering you,” he said.

Ignatz sighed quietly. “Oh, well. I’m just feeling a bit gloomy today.”

“You’re free to speak to me about it if you so desire.”

“That’s very kind of you Your Majesty, but I don’t want to bother you about something so trivial.”

“It’s not trivial if it’s eating at you like this.”

Ignatz paused in consideration, trying to choose his words carefully so as not to offend Dimitri. “I’m having a hard time adjusting, I suppose.”

Dimitri chuckled good-naturedly. “I can see where you’re coming from. Leicester is warm and sunny and Faerghus is anything but, and that reflects in her people as well.”

There was an element of truth to that. Faerghans in general certainly weren’t rude or anti-social, but Ignatz had found that they tended to warm up to strangers more slowly, and they were often less open about their feelings, or at least it took a long time for them to be comfortable enough to reach that point.

“The social culture certainly is different,” Ignatz said.

“Is there something else?” Dimitri asked. Ignatz considered lying, but knowing how perceptive Dimitri could be, he decided against it.

“I’ve been feeling a bit lonely, I have to admit.”

“Ah, I’m terribly sorry. I suppose I do keep Raphael and Dedue rather busy.”

Ignatz brought his hands up. “No, no! They both have very important things to do, and I would never want to take away from that!”

Dimitri’s eyes widened in surprise. “There’s no need to censor yourself for my sake. You have needs as well, there’s no shame in that.” Ignatz looked off to the side and clasped his hands before resting them on his lap.

“Perhaps, but how could mine compare to the needs of all your subjects?”

“Ignatz, wanting to spend some time with Dedue won’t take away from his ability to serve me and our people.”

Ignatz shrugged and was silent for a moment before he smiled melancholically. “I really admire you, Your Highness. You and Raphael have such a comfortable relationship, I hope I can be more like you in that regard someday.”

Raphael stared at him blankly for a moment before laughing quietly.

“Things are not always as they seem.”

Ignatz’s eyebrows rose. “What do you mean?”

“There have been difficulties in our relationship as well.”

“ _ Really? _ ”

“Is that so surprising?”

“Well, yes. You always seem to feel so easy around one another.”

Dimitri’s smile shrank. “Things aren’t always how they seem. Raphael is very open and comfortable with his emotions but I, well... Am not. He keeps telling me that he doesn’t mind and that it’ll become easier with time, but I sometimes find it difficult to agree.”

It was a bit uncanny, how Ignatz found similarities between himself and Dimitri despite how unlikely that might seem at first glance.

“I struggle with the same thing, and we both know Dedue does, too.”

Dimitri laughed weakly again. “Raphael truly is the odd man out here.”

Ignatz also laughed a bit awkwardly. “Yeah.”

They were silent for a moment, neither really knowing what to say. Then Dimitri put a hand on Ignatz’s shoulder and smiled.

“You’re a good man Ignatz. Dedue cares for you deeply, and I’m sure the two of you will move past this.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty. Raphael cares a lot about you too, I think everything will be fine for you.” As they looked in each other’s eyes, they could both tell that despite their belief in the other, their faith in themselves was considerably shakier.

_ Nothing out of the ordinary,  _ Ignatz thought.

* * *

Ignatz had never been especially interested in horses, but as with most animals, he liked them. Animals were often easier to be around than humans he’d found, not because he disliked people in general, just that they virtually never caused him confusion, consternation, or any sort of emotional turmoil, and because of that, they were less likely to stress him out. True, horses were rather susceptible to stress themselves and could pick up and emulate the emotions of their handlers with almost uncanny ease, but as long as Ignatz didn’t have to ride them, it was easy to stay calm.

He’d come to the castle stables to observe them for a painting one of the members of Dimitri’s court had recently commissioned from him. The variety of horse breeds House Blaiddyd had was astonishing, they even had one that was completely exclusive to their usage. Horses in general tended to be big (a bit too big, Ignatz sometimes thought), but the Blaiddyd specimens were huge. Still rideable, but mounting them often presented a bit more of a challenge compared to that of the average horse.

As he’d taken an interest to one in particular, standing near (but still a respectable distance away) the horse as he sketched it, he saw Dedue enter the stable. He smiled before he even realized it.

“Dedue!” he called.

Dedue looked over to him, his own usual serious countenance being replaced with a small smile. “Greetings, Ignatz. How are you today?”

“Oh, I’m fine. You?”

“Likewise.” He walked over to Ignatz. “This is a noble specimen.”

“Yeah, it’s so... Big. I like its markings. The little white star on its forehead is cute.”

Dedue slowly walked towards the horse, gently holding his hand out and allowing it to observe him before petting the bridge of its nose.

Ignatz remembered Dedue’s difficulty with horses from back in their academy days. He’d been nervous around them, so they’d been nervous around him. It was only much later that Ignatz learned it was because of the war horses that had come not long after Dimitri’s father was assassinated. Dedue had made a lot of progress in managing his anxiety since then, and Ignatz was overjoyed at that.

“It’s been awhile since we had a quiet moment like this together,” Dedue said. Ignatz didn’t really know what to say. His smile dropped a bit, which Dedue apparently took that as a poor sign. “My apologies, His Majesty has been negotiating several trade agreements and the ambassadors have been obstinate. Still, that doesn’t excuse my absence.”

Ignatz found himself conflicted. He’d been missing Dedue more and more over time, even if it hadn’t been terribly long, each interim between their meetings had begun to snowball, so even short absences were starting to wear on him.

“No, it’s perfectly alright, I understand! You and His Majesty have a lot of obligations, I’d never hold that against you.”

“True, but I have obligations to you as well.”

Ignatz was quiet for a bit longer than he had to be, but ultimately shrugged and smiled even if his eyes didn’t match very well. “It’s not like you’re neglecting me or anything. I’m a grown man Dedue, I can handle having to spend time away from you.”

“I have no doubt of that, but I hope I haven’t given the impression that I’m ignoring you, or that I take your companionship for granted. I still consider myself a very fortunate man for that.”

Ignatz’s eyes grew closer to matching his smile. “That’s so sweet of you, I feel the same way. I know you wouldn’t do any of that, so don’t feel bad, alright? We’ll make up for lost time when you’re not as busy.”

“You’re too kind, Ignatz.”

Ignatz’s smile became a tiny bit more forced again. “Seriously, don’t worry about it.”

* * *

As Ignatz sat alone in the castle chapel, he stared up at the massive painting of the goddess and saints that served as the centerpiece of the room. He’d found himself coming here more often in his downtime. The quietude was cathartic, and he’d spent a long time admiring the painting, a massive effort that had taken years to complete and was considered the artist’s magnum opus.

“Hey, Ignatz!”

Ignatz turned his head towards the chapel entrance to see Raphael coming in.

He smiled and waved. “Oh, hello Raphael.”

Raphael walked further into the chapel until he was standing next to the pew Ignatz sat on. Once he got a good look at Ignatz, the smile dropped from his face.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

Ignatz shrugged.

“You wanna talk about it?”

Ignatz nodded, and Raphael sat down beside him.

After a quiet moment, Ignatz spoke. “Just the usual, I guess.”

“You miss the sun, huh? Me too. It’s crazy how cold it gets here.”

“Yeah. The wind really cuts through you when it picks up. Even in the castle, it always feels cold. Better than being outside, but still.”

“What do you miss most?”

Ignatz considered that for a moment before answering. “All the people back at home. It’s amazing that I get to be with you and your family, but... You know.” Ignatz had left his own family back in Leicester. His parents and older brother were tied to their family business, but Raphael had brought his grandfather and sister along with him. In a lot of ways, they’d become more of a family to him than his own parents and brother, but he was nostalgic for them, even if he didn’t think they were particularly good people. He missed things about being with them he never thought he would; his room at home, travelling with his family on business trips...

“Me too. Especially our old classmates,” Raphael said.

Ignatz nodded. He knew they would all go their separate ways after the war, but he still wondered about them a lot. He kept in contact with a few of them via letters, Lorenz in particular wrote to him a lot, he seemed interested in commissioning Ignatz, perhaps even sponsoring his temporary stay in the Gloucester manor to complete the commission. Ignatz liked the thought of getting to go back to Leicester for awhile and see one of his old friends too, but winter had already progressed to where travel was difficult, and he was afraid of growing apart from Dedue after being away for several months, so he’d put off thinking about it.

Raphael spoke again. “Oh, but I got a letter from Marianne!”

Ignatz smiled. “How’s she doing?”

“Great! She’s still setting up that animal sanctuary in Edmund Margravate, and she sounds really happy. She asked about you, you should write to her too.”

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to write to all our old classmates. I’ve just been-”  _ Depressed.  _ “-busy, and it keeps getting away from me.”

Raphael nodded. “Me too.”

“Didn’t you just get back from a demonic beast hunt yesterday?”

Raphael sighed tiredly. “Yeah. A couple of the other knights got hurt real’ bad. One’s recovering fine, but the other’s kinda up in the air right now.”

“That’s terrible, I’m so sorry.”

“She knew what she was getting into, and someone’s gotta take out all the leftover demonic beasts or else they’ll keep multiplying, and then they’ll never go away.” He was quiet for a long moment before smiling again. “But hey, we’re making progress! We’ve been getting less reports about them in the past few months compared to when we started.”

Ignatz smiled gently. “I’m glad to hear that.” The smile fell from his face again. “You haven’t been seriously injured in nearly a year, so that’s good too.”

Raphael laughed. “Aw Iggy, you know it’s gonna take more than a little demonic beast to take me down!”

“We were still really worried, though.”

Raphael frowned. “Yeah, sorry.” He looked upon the painting at the front of the chapel calmly. “At least now I don’t have to worry about what Maya and our granddad will do if something happened to me. Dima’ll take care of ‘em.”

“Don’t talk like that, Raphael. After everything we’ve been through…”

“Doesn’t mean I’m invincible.”

Ignatz looked down at the floor, but Raphael wrapped his arms around Ignatz’s shoulders and laughed heartily. “But hey, I’m still  _ nearly  _ invincible! And like I said, I’m not going anywhere anytime soon! So don’t worry too much, alright?”

Ignatz chuckled quietly as he smiled at Raphael. “Alright.”

“Oh, hey,” Raphael said, removing his arm from Ignatz’s shoulders. “You and Dedue doing alright?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I dunno, just concerned. I don’t wanna snoop or anything, but he and Dima have been really busy lately with all that negotiation stuff that goes waaaay over my head. They both look pretty wiped out a lot of the time.”

“I did see Dedue the other day and he said the same thing. We… Haven’t really gotten to spend much time together lately.”

“He talks about you sometimes, you know.”

Ignatz’s eyes widened slightly. “Really?”

“Well yeah! He worries about you.”

“He does?”

Raphael nodded. “He says you look lonely whenever he sees you, and I think he feels kinda guilty about it.”

Ignatz sighed. “Yeah, I noticed that too. I kept telling him I’m fine, but he didn’t seem convinced.”

“You  _ were  _ just saying you kinda aren’t fine, though.”

Ignatz was silent for a long moment. “Well, he doesn’t need to know that.”

Raphael’s expression grew a bit stern. “Iggy _. _ ”

“It’s fine, really! I’m just dealing with some seasonal depression and culture shock. I’ve got other people in my life besides Dedue, I don’t need him to drop everything for my sake.”

Raphael’s eyes saddened. “No, but you miss him.”

“I do... But I’m alright. I don’t want to impede on his work, and we’ll make up for lost time when he’s not as busy.”

Raphael didn’t seem so convinced, but ultimately he acquiesced. “You know better than me, Iggy. But don’t forget what I said, okay? There’s nothing wrong with being upfront about your needs.”

Ignatz chuckled quietly. “Alright.” Then, he remembered something that had been lurking in the back of his mind for awhile. “Raphael?”

“Yeah Iggy?”

“So... How do you feel about the food here?”

Raphael was silent for a touch too long. “I mean, you know. It’s alright, I guess.”

If  _ Raphael  _ of all people wasn’t enthusiastic about food, that certainly meant  _ something _ .

“It’s not quite as... Flavorful or varied as the food back in Leicester, huh?” Ignatz asked.

“Nope.”

They were both quiet again, knowing exactly what the other was thinking without having to say it.

“So!” Raphael digressed. “If you ever need anything, you know you can talk to me. We’ve been friends almost as long as I can remember, so don’t feel bad about it, okay?”

Ignatz smiled. “Thank you Raphael, the same goes to you.”

Raphael laughed and slapped Ignatz on the back a bit too hard. “Thanks, pal!”

* * *

One night, just as Ignatz was preparing for bed, he heard a knock coming from the front room. Having only been a room away, he walked in and opened the door leading out into the hall. On the other side was Dedue, a tired, distant expression on his face.

“Dedue? What’s wrong?”

Dedue was quiet for a moment before answering. “May I come in?”

Ignatz stood aside to let Dedue in. “Of course.”

After Dedue came in, Ignatz closed the door behind him, sitting down on the couch nearby that Dedue was currently occupying. Ignatz was quiet, knowing Dedue would speak when he was ready. It wasn’t too long before he did.

“The nightmares,” he said.

Ignatz placed a hand on Dedue’s shoulder. “They’re back?”

Dedue nodded.

“I’m so sorry.” And really, Ignatz was. Dedue had told him not terribly long after their first kiss that ever since the massacre of his people, now a decade ago, he’d occasionally been plagued by bad dreams. Nightmares that took him back to that horrible, bloody day, recounting the slaughter of his family and the destruction of everything he’d ever known. As time went on, the subject of these dreams began to vary; to the invasion of Garreg Mach by the Adrestian Empire, his rescue of Dimitri, the battles he’d fought during the war, both before and after he’d returned to his former classmates. Dedue carried so much hurt around with him, sometimes Ignatz wondered how he didn’t break under it.

Or maybe it was more accurate to say that he wondered how Dedue didn’t break under it far more often than he did. He  _ had _ broken before.

Just like the man himself, it was quiet. Many probably wouldn’t notice much difference since Dedue was so quiet to begin with, but he would have this distant look in his eyes, even when he was meeting your gaze. It reminded Ignatz of a few times throughout his own life, like when he’d found out that Raphael’s parents had been killed while en route to deal with a client that had originally contacted Ignatz’s parents, but due to them being too busy, they gave the opportunity to the Kirstens. It reminded him of when he’d been told that Dedue had supposedly been killed in place of Dimitri five years before and his mind had gone blank. Eventually, his sorrow had broken through its dam, the dissociation only being a temporary balm.

Dedue was similar in that regard. When he couldn’t handle the immensity of his pain, he withdrew.

Dedue gave Ignatz such a vulnerable look that he felt as though his heart might break then and there. “Would you hold me?”

Ignatz drew him into his embrace, wrapping his arms around Dedue’s back and resting his head on his shoulder. “I’m so,  _ so _ sorry,” Ignatz repeated. Dedue returned the hug.

(All art by Angeli Rafer, who can be found at [jerseyartblog on tumblr](https://jerseyartblog.tumblr.com/post/628059487444566016/83-ill-be-editing-the-text-and-tags-post-here) and [@angeliraferart on twitter](https://twitter.com/angeliraferart))

At this point Ignatz felt as though he should say something; ask him about the nature of his most recent nightmare, about exactly what had been bothering him,  _ something _ . But he wasn’t sure how to even breach the subject, or if it would do more good than harm. He didn’t want to push Dedue into something he wasn’t ready for and make it even worse.

Dedue spoke before he had much time to ponder it though. “May I stay with you tonight?” Ignatz pulled away far enough to look Dedue in the eyes, smiling gently.

“Of course.”

Once they were in Ignatz’s bedroom, they made themselves comfortable in his bed, Ignatz wrapping his arms around Dedue.

“Don’t feel bad about waking me up if you need anything, alright?” he said. 

Dedue was silent for a moment. “Very well,” he said, a hint of reluctance in his tone.

Quietly, Ignatz considered whether he should say more, or if he was handling the situation in the best way possible, but as he was enveloped in the warmth of his lover, his mind wound down, and he soon fell asleep.

* * *

As time moved forward, everyone went about their business, preparing for the deepest, most unforgiving days of winter. Winter, that time of the year when everything went into stasis and the world seemed to come to a standstill. Of course, Ignatz knew that time passed just like always. Life went on as usual, and he kept to his schedule.

But if he didn’t know any better, he would’ve wondered if he was stuck in an unending loop that he could never break away from. It certainly felt like that, anyway. The deep snow piling up outside of the castle and the dwindling amount of activities was perhaps causing him to go a bit stir crazy. Raphael and his family expressed similar sentiments, and they were all at a bit of a loss as to how Faerghans could deal with this every year. It certainly wasn’t that they were immune to it, but previous exposure made it more tolerable.

As his nervous energy built up, Ignatz found himself pacing the castle more and more. It only got harder to focus on his work, and his emotions slowly became more visceral. He found himself dwelling on negatives far longer than he should have, and even talking to Raphael or his other friends at the castle only did so much to help. 

One day, against his better judgment, he pulled on the warmest clothing he had and walked out onto the balcony attached to his chambers. The city spreading out from around the castle was blanketed in white, the sky was overcast with dark gray clouds, and the slight breeze, while not as chilling as it could have been, made Ignatz glad that he had his shawl, which he wrapped around his shoulders more tightly.

As his thoughts wandered, they eventually settled on Dedue. He’d really thought after that night where he stayed with Ignatz that things would be more comfortable and open between them, and maybe with winter going into full force Dedue wouldn’t be quite so busy. But in the end, little changed. Sometimes it seemed as though he hardly got any sleep when Ignatz saw him, and when he did have downtime, it conflicted with Ignatz’s schedule, or they were both too tired to do much of anything.

In fact, it felt like Dedue was growing more distant with every passing day, and the thought left a heavy sensation in Ignatz’s chest. What if what they had wasn’t meant to last? What if they fell apart? Not suddenly and violently, neither of them was the type for that, but slowly, gradually, until one day, without notice, it was over. He got stuck on that thought, he just couldn’t get away from it. He  _ hated  _ the idea. He’d already thought he lost Dedue once when everyone believed that he’d perished while rescuingDimitri, he didn’t want to lose him for real after surviving a war because they’d drifted apart. He felt the telltale sensation of pin pricks at the inner corners of his eyes, and his tears quickly chilled in the winter cold. He rested his face in one hand. He couldn’t let this go on, no matter how difficult the alternative would be for him.

* * *

Ignatz stood outside of the door to Dedue’s chambers. He  _ wanted  _ to knock on it, but he found his anxiety sticking him in place, unable to move as he simply stared at the door. He needed to do this. He was tired of never getting to see Dedue, but he was also scared of coming off as demanding or high maintenance. Would Dedue start avoiding him? Would it only cause a rift to form? Ignatz’s anxiety told him  _ yes, of course, why would it go any other way? _

It was a constant struggle sometimes, trying to calm the less rational part of his mind and be reasonable. But he was a grown man, and he didn’t want to watch Dedue drift away. He didn’t want to isolate himself like he had with Raphael when his parents were killed. What good did assuming the worst do him? None.

And yet there he was, scared of knocking on a door. Some things never changed.

He took a deep breath, cleared his mind, and knocked on the door before he could really give it anymore thought. As soon as he did, he had to use all his willpower to not walk away. Just as he wondered if it was about to run out, the door cracked open to reveal Dedue on the other side. Ignatz smiled at him (albeit a bit stiffly, he hoped it didn’t make Dedue uneasy).

“Good evening Dedue,” Ignatz said. “Can I come in?”

“Of course,” Dedue replied. He stepped back and away from the door, making room for Ignatz to walk inside. They sat at a table mainly meant for tea across from one another. Ignatz folded his hands and rested them on the table, staring down at them.

“Is there something you wanted to discuss?” Dedue said.

Ignatz looked up at him. “Oh, sorry, I’m sort of nervous.”

“Why is that?”

Ignatz again took a long, deep sigh, and spoke before the annoying little voice in the back of his head got a word in. “I want to discuss our relationship.”

Dedue was a soft-spoken person, and not terribly expressive either. But once you got to know him, he became much easier to read. The very slight quirk of his eyebrows (???) told Ignatz he was worried.

“It’s nothing bad, don’t worry,” Ignatz reassured, but Dedue only seemed slightly relieved. Ignatz berated himself for wording it poorly, but he managed to move past it quickly.

_ Don’t catastrophize, you’ve barely started. _

“I have to admit something. When you asked me if I was bothered about not getting to see you much, I wasn’t being truthful.”

Dedue sighed quietly and looked away from Ignatz. “I was worried I’d done something to offend you.”

Ignatz’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Offend me? What in the world do you mean?”

Dedue looked back at him. “You aren’t angry with me?”

“Of course not, why would I be?”

“I’ve hardly made any time for you lately, I thought it might have given off the impression that I don’t take our relationship seriously and offended you.”

Ignatz took Dedue’s hand into his own. “I promise you, I’m not mad. I’m sorry for making you think that.”

“It’s my own fault for being so distant in the first place.”

Ignatz laughed self-deprecatingly. “We’re going around in circles apologizing to each other and ultimately getting nowhere again.”

Dedue said nothing and glanced away.

Ignatz smiled and squeezed his hand. “Alright, let me try again. I have a hard time asking for what I need because I don’t want to be a nuisance, and you’re the same. We really both need to keep that in mind, because it’s causing us a lot of consternation.”

Dedue looked back at him. “You’re right.”

“I’ll try to be more assertive, okay? You should too.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

“Well... Yes, but it’s better than things staying the way they are, isn’t it?”

Dedue nodded slowly, and Ignatz’s smile grew.

“Good. So, I’ve been missing you a lot lately. I know you have a lot of responsibilities, but I’d really appreciate it if we spent more time together, even if it’s just a bit.”

Dedue smiled in turn. “Very well. I’ll do my best to not assume what you’re thinking.”

“I’m glad.” Ignatz cupped Dedue’s face with his free hand. “I love you, Dedue. I’d never be so harsh to you.”

Dedue covered Ignatz’s hand with his own. “It’s not that I think you’re harsh, just…”

“I know, you think it’s not out of place because you deserve it. It’s alright.”

“Thank you, Ignatz.” His smile dropped as his eyes darted away from Ignatz and he brought his hand down. “I’ve something I want to share with you.”

Ignatz took his hand away from Dedue’s face. “What is it?”

“I find your art inspiring, so much so that I’ve taken it up myself. Just pencil sketches, nothing very noteworthy.”

“Really?” Ignatz asked. “That’s lovely Dedue, I’m honored. Would you mind sharing some with me?”

Dedue said nothing and looked off to the side.

“Oh, but you don’t have to if you’d rather not. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, I want to. Just a moment.” With that, Dedue stood and walked to the door that led deeper into his chambers. After a short moment, he came back in with a small sketchpad, sitting back down across from Ignatz. He was still for a moment until he finally handed the sketchpad to Ignatz, looking away afterwards.

Ignatz flipped the cover back and slowly scanned the first page. As he progressed through the sketchpad, he saw a variety of subjects ranging from animals to pieces of furniture to the occasional person, including profiles of various residences of the castle such as Dimitri, Raphael, and Maya, the sketches farther into the pad showcased an impressive rate of progress as he went further along. Once he got to the first blank page, he looked back up at Dedue, whose face was still angled away from him.

“These are lovely!”

Dedue slowly looked back at Ignatz. “Truly?”

“Yes! I’m genuinely impressed. How long have you been doing this?”

“Perhaps eight or nine moons.”

“ _ Really? _ ”

“Yes?”

“You’ve grown so quickly! You should be proud of how your skills have developed.”

Dedue smiled slowly for a moment before he cast his gaze downwards. “May I draw you?”

Ignatz’s smile grew. “Yes, of course! I’d be honored.”

“I am not as skilled as you, so my abilities are lacking.”

Ignatz took Dedue’s hands into his own, causing Dedue to look back at him. “Don’t tear yourself down like that. I mean, look at all the progress you’ve made in less than a year!”

Dedue was silent for a moment before sighing quietly. “Very well.”

“You’ll do great, I’m sure of it.”

Soon, Ignatz sat comfortably on the couch, Dedue remaining in his seat by the table, sketchpad and pencil in hand. They sat in a long, comfortable silence, Ignatz watching Dedue intently with a gentle smile. Everytime Dedue looked Ignatz in the eyes, he looked back down at his drawing.

After some time, Dedue paused for a long moment.

“I’m not quite finished, but most of what’s left is smaller details.”

“Can I see it?”

Dedue stood and walked over to Ignatz before sitting down beside him, clutching the sketchpad close to his chest. Ignatz waited, and eventually Dedue slowly held the book out towards him. Ignatz took it into his hands and stared at it intently.

“Dedue, thank you so much, I love it!” he said. Dedue was a bit slow to respond; probably suppressing his instinct to deflect the compliment.

“Thank you,” he practically murmured.

“Really, it’s great! I’m impressed by how your skills have advanced so quickly, and I love the composition.”

Dedue gave Ignatz a tiny, awkward smile, obviously uncomfortable with being praised like this. Not that Ignatz could fault him for it, it’d make him the pot calling the kettle black, after all.

“I know you’re really busy, but if you ever wanted, I could help you improve... Not that your art isn’t already great! But you know, there’s always room for growth.”

“I’d enjoy that. We should make time for it within the next few days.”

“Perfect!” Ignatz wrapped his arms around Dedue, who returned the gesture before resting his hand on the top of Ignatz’s head.

“Thank you, Ignatz.”

Ignatz smiled and looked up at Dedue. “Thank  _ you _ !”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and thanks again to Angeli Rafer.


End file.
